Does he think… does he really think I don’t hear them? He hears them. He tells me about hearing them, going on about it. Hours of tales of his poor, oppressed people. I hear them screaming all the time, damn it.

Maybe he thinks I learned to tune them out. Even if I could learn such a thing (and I wouldn’t know where to begin), I wouldn’t. They’re still my people. Knives can call me a traitor all he wants. Sometimes they whisper “betrayer” when I come to close. Most of them, I think, understand what I’m doing. Not all agree with Knives.

If the humans would just treat them better, they’d get along. I’m sure of it. This can work. This can work. It has to. There are some good humans. I can get through to them, make them understand. Make them see.

How can they not see? How can you walk up to a plant and look inside and not see a living, breathing, thinking being?

Why are these humans so… I don’t want to say stupid. Stupid sounds hopeless. Stupid is what Knives would say. Why are they so blind? Better word, because blind people can learn to see.

Just make them see… Sounds simple. And it will be simple, as soon as I understand the humans. If I just keep wandering… if I just keep meeting people, talking to people, helping people… then eventually I’ll understand them. Then I can explain it so they’ll understand.

When he saw the first picture, he thought it was his brother. She looked so much like Knives, really, except that she looked so sad. But then there were more and Knives was saying something, explaining, but all he could see were the little girl’s eyes getting sadder and sadder as the pictures went on. She got thinner. Her hair fell out.

“Vash!” He blinked as his brother’s voice cut through his thoughts. “It was the humans that did this to our sister Tesla. We can’t let them.”

“Rem wouldn’t let them hurt us.”

“It happened. It will happen again. Or they’ll get bored of us and lock us in lightbulbs to power their ship.”

“Can they do that?” Vash asked, his eyes wide.

Knives shook his head. “It wouldn’t work, but they could try. We have to protect ourselves, Vash, and we have to free our sisters.”

Vash looked again at the pictures on the monitor, then at his brother. He thought that maybe he could see the girl’s sadness in Knives’ eyes.

—-

And as Vash stared down the barrel of the gun his brother was pointing at him, beneath all the pain and insanity, he could still see the sadness, and he ached for his brother and for what they had become.

I don’t want to do this, Rem. But Legato knows that, and he’s going to use it against me.

I can feel the pulsing in my arm, throbbing, racing energy. The angel arm. I know it in an instant, even before the casing falls off the gun. The energy sings through me, powerful, beautiful, but I’ve come to associate only horror with the feeling. Am I betraying my heritage? Knives would say so, certainly. But I stopped listening to Knives a long time ago.

The fabric of my jacket tearing brings my attention back. I’ve been spending way too much time pondering lately. There’s a town right there, a town full of people, and I can’t allow myself to lose control again. Even this won’t be enough, though, will it? Legato will think of something else. It won’t ever end. Rem…

Is that your scream, Rem? No, it can’t be. Meryl and Milly, why did they have to follow me? I told them not to. And now, again, people I care about are going to suffer because of me. Maybe everyone would be safer if I never cared at all.

Knives, you were going to save Rem because I cared for her. Have you forgotten that now? Can’t you just spare these girls?

Even if Knives is listening to me, he won’t stop this. I know that. Legato’s made it clear that the only way I can save Meryl and Milly is to kill him. I see his plan now, how everything he did lead to this. I can’t take it anymore. I can’t change it. I can’t get out. It doesn’t do me any good to understand this now.

I look down my gun at Legato. He’s grinning at me, inviting me to kill him.

I close my eyes to call out for Rem, for Nicholas, for anyone that might listen. Rem, please, tell me what to do. You told me never to kill but you didn’t tell me what to do instead! Please, Rem.

Rem doesn’t answer but Nicholas does. I hear his voice again, telling me that sacrifices have to be made. I think of Zazie the Beast, and I’m not so sure. Nicholas is yelling at me now, calling me a hopeful fool, telling me that I know Meryl and Milly shouldn’t be put into a situation like this when I have the power to save them. He tells me that I can’t expect them to die here, for some foolish ideal.

Milly screams.

Sacrifices have to be made.

Where are you, Rem? Why can’t I hear your voice anymore, reassuring me, telling me the right thing to do?

Sacrifices have to be made.

All I can hear is Nicholas. Telling me to kill Legato, not to let Milly suffer, not to let Meryl suffer.

Sacrifices have to be made.

I open my eyes, but it isn’t Legato under my gun anymore. Nicholas is on the ground, shouting at me to kill him, to save Milly. She deserves so much more than him, he tells me.

I blink away the image and now it’s Rem at my feet. Crying. She won’t say anything. She won’t look at me. I want desperately to wrench my gun away but I can’t. Rem! Please! Tell me what to do!

But she won’t.

I look at the ground in defeat. Legato’s shouts, Meryl’s screams, I don’t think anything can reach me anymore.

Sacrifices have to be made.

I’m sorry, Rem.