Souichi was not even out of view of the house when the explosion cracked the morning air around him. He knew instantly it was his own house – what else could it be? – and turned around, fearing the worst.

Even from his viewpoint down the block, he could tell there was a lot of damage. Half the house was missing – the lab, of course, but the bedroom he shared with Keiko was gone too. He could see right into Hotaru’s room, which Keiko had insisted they put next to their own. In a panic, Soucihi dropped his briefcase and ran back to the house, hoping against everything logical in his mind that somehow, miraculously, everything could be alright. Perhaps Keiko had gotten up just as he was leaving and brought Hotaru down to the kitchen for breakfast…

As he shoved the gate open, he cut his hand on the metal but didn’t even notice. Souichi ran across the yard to the wreckage, the shattered remains of the home he’d built for Keiko and little Hotaru greeting him with malice in its shattered class and broken beams. He swallowed a scream of anguish only because he knew it was inefficient. The first thing his eyes fixed on was Keiko’s body, still in her nightgown. Their bed was upside down, on top of her, and he dashed to her side to push it away.

When he’d gotten her free, Souichi lifted her into his arms desperately. Keiko’s head lolled forward at a sickening angle. Despite himself, Souichi shuddered, realizing she was dead. Setting her body down on the short driveway, he fought back a sob and looked around frantically, distracting himself with his search for Hotaru. His poor little daughter, where could she be? He stopped and listened, desperate to hear her cry out. Absurdly, he thought that the silence was surprising. Where were the neighbors’ screams, the sirens, the alarms? It seemed everything had stopped except for Souichi and his loss.

A small gasp cut short his thoughts. Souichi whipped around to where he had heard it, dashing toward the sound. Behind some debris from a wall and some disemboweled stuffed animals, he found his daughter on the ground. He picked her up and carried her to the clear spot where he’d left her mother. Hotaru was breathing raggedly and he knew she didn’t have a chance. He pulled her to his chest, begged anyone that would listen.

“Not you too…” he murmured to his daughter. “I can’t lose you and Keiko. Please, Hotaru, don’t leave me. I’ll do anything–” Souichi realized that he couldn’t hear Hotaru breathing anymore. He panicked for a minute, thinking she was dead, but when he moaned her name, no sound came out. The silence was so loud, burning in his ears now. A shadow fell over him, and he looked up.

“Kaori?” he whispered. Surely it was his lab assistant, he knew her well enough, but she was wearing a black gown in place of her usual lab coat and there was a foreign gleam in her eyes. Kaori smiled down at him with no warmth.

“What would you give to save her, Professor?” Kaori’s voice was outside herself and all around them. Souichi wasn’t even sure if she’d moved her lips. He didn’t care.

“Anything,” he tried to yell, to moan, but all he could hear was a whisper.

“Your body? Your soul?” She seemed to be enjoying this. Souichi was furious at her, why wasn’t she helping? What was she playing at? He spit his answer at her, yes with venom.

Kaori leaned over and brushed Hotaru’s dark hair out of her pale face. “And the body and soul of poor… innocent… Hotaru?” Souichi stopped, railing against the idea. But then he looked down at his daughter. What good was her body if she was dead, anyway? And as for a soul…

“…scientists don’t believe in souls.” Kaori smirked over him, dark and cold. Souichi sobbed. None of this seemed real. What could Kaori do anyway, even if he gave her his soul? What did any of it matter, with his Keiko gone?

Souichi looked Kaori in the eye, her pupils strangely dark and deep. “What about my Keiko? If you can save Hotaru, why not save her too?” Kaori glared at him, a frown glancing across her features, but quickly recovered.

“Keiko’s already dead, Professor. Hotaru isn’t — yet.” Kaori stepped around Keiko’s body, blocking his view of his wife. She forced Souichi’s head down so he was looking at his young daughter again. “You can save her. Just say yes.”

Souichi swallowed hard, then sagged under Kaori’s hand. “Yes…” There was a rushing sensation all around him, darkness sweeping in from the corners of his vision to engulf both him and Hotaru. And that… was that.

Souichi woke up being loaded onto a stretcher with an attendant on either side of him. “Keiko? Hotaru?” He couldn’t seem to remember what had happened. Everything was confused. Something bad… something loud.

One of the attendants said something to him, but Souichi couldn’t make it out. The attendant leaned in farther, and Souichi finally heard what he was saying “… temporarily deafened by the explosion. You’re on the way to the hospital, sir. Just relax. Your daughter’s fine, already on her way to the hospital.”

Souichi didn’t miss the detail left unsaid. “And my wife? Keiko?” The attendants looked at each other for a moment, then one leaned back in to say she was alright. It was too late though. Souichi had already seen the answer in their eyes, Keiko’s broken body with a sheet pulled over it.

Slowly, Souichi began to laugh. This was all madness, not reality. Keiko couldn’t be gone. It wasn’t real. And realizing that, his laughter grew louder, until the attendants got him into the ambulance. The door shut behind him, and the empty remains of the Tomoe house were silent.

I miss Keiko.

When i was young
It seemed that life was so wonderful
A miracle, oh it was beautiful, magical

She kept me grounded, you know. Centered. She put all my work in perspective. Not all medical students can do that. Most of them don’t see the value of research beyond providing them new treatments they can charge more money for.

Keiko was different, though. She studied medicine because she wanted to make people well. I’ve never met another biology student who could say that sincerely. Keiko always kept an eye on my projects, asking me what I was trying to accomplish, why I wanted to find this out, what good it would bring to mankind.

Sometimes the answer was none. Then she would persuade me to move on to other things. She was my strongest and best influence. She kept me honest. She kept me good.

And all the birds in the trees
Well they´d be singing so happily
Oh joyfully, oh playfully watching me

I was so surprised when she said she’d marry me. As long as I waited, considered, and planned the perfect way to ask her, somewhere I’d still expected her to say no. After all, she was perfect, and I was… not.

She even challenged her father, when he tried to block the marriage. He said my chosen field wasn’t stable. Ironic, considering I was specializing in mutations, but there was no humor intended. It didn’t matter. She loved me. That was all I needed. Somehow she even managed to turn their minds about me. In a few months, they even viewed me as a son.

We spent our weekends in the park, at quiet restaurants, and even in the library. Somehow our study dates even managed to be romantic. We could discuss and debate and still end up laughing no matter how completely we disagreed.

But then they sent me away
To teach me how to be sensible
Logical, oh responsible, practical

She wanted a traditional Japanese wedding, which her parents paid for as a graduation present to both of us. Our honeymoon was a week by ourselves in our new apartment. Who needs Hawaii or Kyoto when you have each other?

Soon enough, though, it was back to school – she had medical school, I had graduate school. Between her internships and my teaching, there wasn’t much time for us to be together. Somehow, though, we always made do. Isn’t that what lovers do?

And then there was another side-effect of lovers. She became pregnant. She dropped out of school, and I had to work twice as hard to support us. I didn’t really mind. She’s worth it in every way. I let some things slip, like my classes, while I pursued my research. I knew it was that work which would allow me to make a name for myself, to truly provide for Keiko and our baby.

And they showed me a world
Where i could be so dependable
Oh clinical, oh intellectual, cynical

I’ll admit it. I got carried away. I couldn’t give up my research, I couldn’t give up my family, so I brought my work home. The basement lab seemed like such a good idea at the time. I could spend more time with Keiko, and she wouldn’t be as depressed about leaving school. When Hotaru was born, we even put a playpen in the lab so I could watch her during the day. I wanted so much to be a good father, and be involved in her life.

Now watch what you say
Or they´ll be calling you a radical
A liberal, oh fanatical, criminal

And so what if my work was a little… unorthodox. All new science is unorthodox. That’s the point of science, to overturn old views of how things work, what’s right, what’s proper. Maybe I’m just an unorthodox kind of person. I kept hearing how I wasn’t raising Hotaru right, how I wasn’t being a proper husband.

And of course the explosion was my fault. It was my science that set if off, my bad family care that put Keiko and Hotaru in the way. It was my fault. There, I said it, are you happy now? Keiko’s dead, are you happy now? Are you happy now?

Oh won´t you sign up your name
We´d like to feel you´re responsible
Acceptable, respectable, oh presentable, a vegetable!

… I’d do anything to bring Keiko back, but I can’t. It’s too late for her. But Hotaru’s still breathing. There’s still hope. And maybe my science killed Keiko, but it will save Hotaru. It will. I’ll make it.

I’ll sell my soul to save her. Where do I sign up?

There are times when all the world´s asleep
The questions run too deep
For such a simple man

Destruction? Armageddon? Pure hearts? Fine. Go ahead. Whatever you need, take it. All I’m worried about is Hotaru.

As long as she’s safe, nothing can hurt me.

Won´t you please, please tell me what we´ve learned
I know it sounds absurd
But please tell me who i am

(lyrics from the Logical Song by Supertramp)