I stand in the garden behind the mansion, overgrown and abandoned, watching the sun rise over Nibelheim. The colours are brilliantly red and orange, a skyline on fire.
I had been up all night — how many nights now? — reading the notes in the basement. Reading my father’s notes. They raised questions that threatened to paralyze me, but at the same time, they answered the one that had been hollowing me out for years.
The woman in my thoughts, the voice that had sung me to sleep for so many years. My mother. Jenova. And then there were the things I remembered the Professor rambling on that cold day, right after Gast left:
“I want to tell you about your mother, Sephiroth. I want to tell you about Jenova.
“She’s dead now, and Gast will get his return for that, don’t worry. But in death she’s far more dangerous than before. William is a fool.
“She wants everything, Sephiroth. If she is careful, she may even get it. One of the things she wants is you.
“The Planet wants you to betray her. If you give her your body, she’ll put all her eggs in your basket, Sephiroth. No, not literally. Then you just need to let yourself be beaten.
“Yes, I know it’s mad, especially when I’m creating you to be the best. Who could beat you? But we’ll have to worry about that when we get there. Don’t fuss about it now. In fact, forget I told you all of this. I probably will in the morning, when the makou rush wears off.”
I’d just stared at him then, not understanding any of it. I was five. What could I have understood?
“When you’re needed,” he’d said, “I hope you remember.” It seems ridiculous, the stuff of paranoid delusions. The war for the planet will come down to my sacrifice? Will hinge on what I can keep safely shielded in my own mind?
But she’s calling me now. She’s so close and letting go to her will be so very easy. I’ll never be forgiven for what I do, I know that.
It’s necessary.
Can I do this on the strength of something that old man told me years ago? Accept the atrocities that will lay on my hands? Accept that if I’m wrong, I will destroy the planet?
It’s necessary.
Right?
No one will know if I succeed, but at least no one will know if I fail. All I need to do is be weak. How hard can that be?
I wouldn’t know. I’ve never done it.
I’m following the old man, my father. I’ve always hated him, and here I am following him. We serve Jenova that she might fall.
It’s necessary.
